Rise ..My brother

Friday..13th November

Today I was ready to go to DUA...But couldn't go its too late...today is Friday..Faiza asked me to have group session today...but i only thought to have group session with residents of DUA...in morning i completed record form and case histories of all residents...it was difficult for me to recall all history of them..and then to write important points of their histories...to select main problem and then refer them to Lawyers and medical specialist is all my duty.and in the end of the month to report all these things to psychologist of NGO (MDM)

Kashish Zahra....

Kashish Zahra...My cousin...Daughter of My Mamu...

No one is responsible for my tears..........

I am writing this post...when i am so broken....so much restless.. I am feeling that I myself isresponsible for my sorrows and tears...No one is responsible...I wont blame to anyone...It was my bad luck..I had to feelpain...I had to weep...I had to bear interference of so many people in my life....God written all these things in my life...so why i say that people estroyd my life...somethings are not for us...But when we insist to get it...we expect from other which others d't have...then we get hurt,,,and blame others....its totally my reponsibility that i expected alot from many people...but always i hurted...so if i say that all are responsible for my tears..then its totally wrong...I should realise that this world is not for me...people of this world are different from me...then why i expected alot from other...I myself destroyed my life...often people say this shehla buht jaldi naraz ho jati hy...yes its true...but it has one reason...I have some wishes ..some desires...I expect from others...when i feel that others are going away from me...I stepped back from that person so that my others expectation couldn't get hurt....they might safe...I couldn't get more pain from that person... I want to safe myself....I have suffered from biggest pain of my life...still suffering...tears daily meet me...Only tears made me relax...but still i want to avoid them...still i want to behappy....its mymistake only....

Relaxed....

Just made date sheet...I couldn't made date sheet according to my wish...I couldn't find the seats for mid term what i wished for...Today staff of Darul aman is on holiday...so I couldn't go for session of residents,. Now sitting in my campus..just typed my gdb of management subject..Everyone is here discuss on fooloish things..they are against to each other on topic of each other,,, each have their different point of view..but I didn't listened to anyone...I consulted my book...and I typed what my knowledge and words of books saying....A girl is here indirectly getting jealous of me...don't know what the problem she has...I think she wants everyone should talk to her. but i never talk to her...she felt insulted...and now daily she burns in fire...Lala says she is psycho...ohhh lala how exactly u gussed...I often said to lala i thought im fresh Psychologist..Actually lala is experienced psychologist...:-) waiting for call of Faiza...May be in this month of november i go to islamabad..MDM is arranging a training for psychologists...Faiza asked me are u willing to attend that training..I said I was waiting for this training from long time..MDM is organization of France so the trainer might come from france..They might be doctor psychologist or sociologist...Cant say exactly about them....just waiting.......papers started from 2nd December...but I couldn't get the seat of 2nd december..The first seat I got that is of 4th december...so its okay....ill give paper from 4th....recieved call from Faiza...Thank God now moving towards DUA...still one Gdb of Marketing is remaining...but Ill compelete it tomorrow inshallah...ok leaving campus right now...Good bye blog...Catch u later...:-)

BUSY....

Sitting in campus...today i have to do lots of work...just now ive to go to Darul aman...have to take session of residents of DUA... but here sitting in my campus im getting very confuse....two gdb of Marketing and of Management is also waiting for me...But i still couldn't read them...busy in making my datesheet for mid term.. but server is too busy....dont know what to do....server is busy....site is also so heavy,,,,so sitting..and thinking nothing just restless...I have to go bazar also... Mom is also waiting at home....she just phoned me to come home...Faiza called me today to come to DUA...i said okay i will come....But when i was ready to go to Dua...she told me that MDM is not permitted to move from islamabad... so she and her team is not coming to my city...so i have to go to alone there...time is too short....I have to take a sesssion of new residents... but I got late here in campus...d't know what to do....restlessly looking at screen may site of making date sheet start working...although every site working properly...but date sheet wali site ko janay kya masla hy...may be all vu students from all over pakistan is busy with this site to get the seats of their own choice....But here in my campus its getting very heavy...m leaving ....can't wait anymore...feeling hunger pangs too....:-) want too eat finger chips....

................I am so much broken....

I am sitting in my campus...Just took a Quiz...It was a good...I hope to get Good marks in HRM...Today a blast in Pindi...atleast 30 death and many injured...Its so sad ..Ohh Allah safe my Pakistan...Now just checked news again 13 killed in Ghootki Accident...Now I have to weep on many other sorrows...Perhaps poet Faraz said it for me...Aur Bhe Dukh Hein Zamanay men Muhabbat K Siwa...sometimes its true and sometimes not..It depends on situations....I felt many times that everyone is my enemy..It usually feels when someone cheat us and in the end leave us...It might be a big loss for one person but nothing for second person..world is full of cheaters...i wont be hesitate to say this i knew everything about someone from very long...But I ignored that may be situation get settled again...But with the passage of time everything got worse.. Now even I've ruined completely...But still I've to live for others...Its my big Loss...NOW IN ANY FIELD OF LIFE i WONT WISH FOR SUCCESS.......I LOST MY MOST PRECIOUS THING A PERSON... Now sometimes feeling of hate comes in me for many people who are involoved in destroying my life...But I have forgiven all...I dont want to say anything to anyone...I thought they are not able to talk to me....Still ...still they oocupy all space in my heart...God bless you....

Nigah......

Nigah kuch kehti hy.....

kabhe meri aankhein bari bari aur khobsorat hoti the

But now My eyes are getting smaller......because I weep alot......

people praise my eyes very much......But no one knows how much these eyes cry.......

Kuch Log Buht Yaad Aatay Hen.......

Last night was very painful....I came back from campus at Maghrib.My mood was okay after coming

 back to home.I always feel fresh when I reached home..

 I spent time in campus with Iffi...He was sick from few days...

.He came to campus yesterday on my call.I had to handed over my USB for more lectures...

While talking to him he discussed about his sister...he wanted to share the problem of his sister from many days...yesterday he shared and I told him about the real problem of her sister.

When I listened the detail case history of his sister and I checked the symptoms of her according to DSM-IV

 I came to know that she is suffering from personality problem. Its not a very severe problem..It can be treated.

 But when I opened the book of Clinical to write some techniques to help the sis of iffi i felt something has 

broken in me..The book that opened was of clinical Psy...And Miss Yasmeen taught us that subject in detail..

.I saw the pages where she asked us to make some points and headings...she asked to highlight the important

 headings and words...All book I opened and every page had some memory of her..I felt she is whispering in 

my ears...I was listening her voice .I felt I am in psy Lab of Wah college.All my fellows sitting around me..

We four friends sitting in fIrst row..Because I always preferred to sit in first line..and Miss Yasmeen teaching us....Daily I see this book and of Abnormal Psy in my room..but I never thought one day these books will bring 

out tears in my eyes..I felt fear of loosing people in my heart...My hands got freeze..I couldn't read even a single 

word in that book...I shared my this feeling with Manoo..Izaa and with Lala...I said to Lala ab yeh chezein bhe

 mje takleef dain ge????? Lala said close that book and don't think anything..just talk something else...

But I couldn't relax myself at that time...Tears were rolling out again and again...Kuch log itnay qeemti hotay hen

 magr hmen unke value ka ehsas un k janay k baad hota hy....You are lovable Miss Yasmeen..We all miss you 

Alot....

Emaan...

Emaan Asad..sitting in my Lap..I shot her pic on my last vist to Lahore...she was born in Lahore(like me:-)) Now she lives in Nishat...She resembles with her anti shumaila...Shumaila is my friend also...:-) :-)

Nishat Colony...

I read about Nishat colony in Sunday's DAWN 27th September 2009 ..I was happy to see the information of the colony where I spent my childhood...And completed my childhood studies...Apna buchpan kabhi nhe bhoolta....I shot the image and uploaded here on Blog....I am happy that information of my colony published in famous newspaper....:-)

Lehjoon ke soghaat...

Dharkan Dharkan men ny chaha....

Shyad us ny bhe chaha tha.......

Lekin kuch dastoor-e- zamana...

Kuch majboori kuch Afsana...

Us ny rastay badal lye hen...

Doobtay taaroon ke manind...

mein ek dhalta sooraj nadaan...

Din jo charhay to weeranoo mein...

galli galli aur khalyaanoo mein...

Lehjoon ke soghaat lye mein...

Dhoondti rehti houn usko phir...

Janay kis mehfil mein hoga...

Kis k sath wo hoga janay...

Kis aangan mein hoga.......

Sara din apni sadaaien khud he sunti rehti hoon.....

Thak jati houn loat aati houn.....

Raat gay jb so jati houn.........

Chaand meri is naadani py........

Sari raat hansa krta hy......

Dharkan Dharkan men ny chaha....

Shyad us ny bhe chaha tha.......

Muje kuch aur kehna tha.....

Wo kuch sunta to men kehta muje kuch aur kehna tha

Wo pal bher ko jo ruk jata muje kuch aur kehna tha......

ghalat fehmi ny younhi batoon ko barha diy warna..........

kaha kuch tha wo kuch samjha mje kuch aur kehna tha..

kahan usny sunni meri sunni bhe un-sunni ker de............

usy maloom tha itna mje kuch aur kehna tha................

kamaie zindage bhar ke kyun us k naam ker de..................

mje kuch aur krna tha muje kuch aur kehna...................

Rawaan tha pyar nas nas men, kitni qurbat the apas men...

usy kuch r suuna tha, mje kuch aur kehna tha.........................

I read this GHAZAL when i was in Metric,,,it was the first ghazal that i wrote in my diary. now it is first that im publishing it on my blog...at that time no background of this ghazal now when i read this i think my life is based on this GHAZAL